Earlier today I did something I’m not entirely proud of…
I bought a season pass on iTunes for the ‘Bad Girls Club’ Season 9…
Now, I know what you’re thinking:
"What? You? But you’re like a nerd girl! And a mom! And you’re so sweet and nice, how could you like a disgusting show like that?"
Because, in another life, at another time, I could have been one of those girls. And it would have been fucking awesome.
Secretly, I have always wanted to be one of those trashy girls at the club, dancing on all the guys, skirt flying up, shirt coming down, getting into cat fights with random broads cuz they be hatin’ on my swag. And I would use terrible words like ‘swag’ and ‘epic’ and ‘bro’, while I got on my knees and chugged beer from a funnel and tube the bartender was holding over his head. I’d make sure I had cute panties on every night, just in case my dress came up while I was dancing, and it wouldn’t matter that I was fat, cuz I still pull them dudes, hatin’ ass bitches need to quit runnin’ dey mouf fo dey get fucked up!
Excuse me, I lost myself for a second.
Alas, I have a little more sense than that. But thankfully, these girls don’t! And I get to watch the atrocities unfold every week, as they dance and drink and fight their way to fame.
My favorite part of every season is the first episode. I love watching the girls come together in various ways, pre-gaming at bars before they climb into the limo that takes them to the mansion they will inevitably destroy, or being flown in via helicopter, ferried in on a speedboat. And as the girls start to enter the house, they each describe themselves in various ways while their audition reels play.
And the clothes! They always have on their best outfits, flashing legs, and cleavage, and red bottomed heels. Some of them talk about their humble beginnings and wear lace tops with mini-skirts. Others talk about how they got men to pay for that while manicured fingers stroke Louis Vuitton purses. I love to see what each girl is wearing, and I often imagine what I would wear, were I currently 22 years of age and entering The Bad Girls house.
Something current, yet edgy. These girls typically display the signs of the times, so you have to be wearing the latest trends. But I’d still want to show off my personality, and show that I ain’t the one to be fucked with.
Maybe something like…
This high low priestess top from Cult of California. I’d have a black tank underneath, and a push-up bra, to show off my huge tetas.
Maybe I’d pair that with…
These fantastic electric blue skinnies from ASOS Curve.
But what about the shoes? Cain’t forget about them. And I don’t wear heels, so…
How bout these awesome, patent leather combat boots from Urban Originals? Yeah, I like that. And I’d have the hot pink and the purple versions in my luggage for later.
Accessories? Sure, why not. Maybe just a necklace, something simple, and cute, but sends a message.
Well isn’t that perfect? Tasteful and useful, in case I need to crack some skulls. And yes, it did come from Hottopic. Wit yo hatin’ ass.
I could just see me now, the first shot of neon blue jeans and shiny boots as I’m sitting in the limo, my voice-over saying something like “I’m the hot fat chick you dream about, boo”.
In closing, my dears, allow me to leave you with my favorite quote from the first episode of this season:
"You can pretty girl bounce wit me, or get pretty girl bounced on."